Conversations We All Should Have

RESEARCH

 

 

WHAT WE KNOW

 

  • We know specific key factors early in life permit success later in life.

  • We know these key factors are predicated on the development of specific skills at a specific range of ages

  • We know these skills are learned through proper practice.

  • We know we should teach these skills to families and youth now.

 

 

1/ We know specific key factors early in life preclude success later in life. These key factors are

  • The ability to make choices dependent on intrinsic factors and interests, not reactions to external stimulus; they have their own mind; can exhibit critical thinking.

  • Understanding ones identity through one’s values, beliefs and goals 

  • Adaptability and flexibility in different situations and circumstances to maintain productiveness and effectiveness.

 

2/ We know these key factors are predicated on the development of specific skills at specific range of ages

  • Self-regulation, the ability to recognize various feelings and behaviors and control and improve them, make choices in order to have a positive future.

  • Knowing one’s strengths and weaknesses, the ability to learn and improve, to relinquish ego barriers to learning.

  • The ability to understand and relate to the world and others and a set of values and principles to live by. Develop positive relationships.

 

3/ We know these skills are learned through proper practice.

  • Practice is the only way to learn yet when it comes to the most important and critical skills required for personal development, we have failed to establish and develop practice for their enhancement; especially for parent’s that have not been taught the basics from their own upbringing.

  • The program ConversationsWe All Should Have uses all the current research about success and well-being offering families and individuals to ability to increase their success potential. Most important is that there is methodology for discussion and practice.

 

4/ We know we should teach these skills to families and youth now.

  • The knowledge is out there but there are few real programs that offer the methodology for practice and development of these life skills in the home.

  • The Program ConversationsWe All Should Have discusses the Thinking, Emotions & Behaviors of Success & Well-being, for families and individuals. I developed the program to offer a simple concise method for integrating and developing personal skills in families in an effort to develop the basic skills in every individual.

  • A key function of the program is implementation through proper facilitation.

 

 

     The greatest single contributing factor influencing success and well-being is what transpires in the home. We need to focus much more on the primary contributor to success and well-being, families. Investing in parent-child relationships early may result in long-term positive results that build throughout an individuals' life. Research has proven repeatedly that parenting has a direct correlation with how children learn, behave and abide by the rules in society. The ability of young children to control their emotional and cognitive impulses (recognizing impulse, cause and effect consequence of continuing), is an extremely strong indicator of short-term and long-term success, academic and social.

 

     The initial setting for a child’s emotional life to develop relates directly to the attachment relationship with parents or caregivers. When the infant and child’s needs are met; when a child views the world as responsive and reliable they develop the belief that they are safe and that the world is trustworthy. The child caregiver relationship of this nature establishes the foundation for the development of emotional personal skills allowing the promotion of self-efficacy, self-regulation, prosocial behavior, and positive relationships with family and peers as well as diminished risk factors.  Why not teach these skills. Security attachment with mothers increases allows a secure attachment too teachers and relates to positive emotions and regulated anger.

 

     When a child is dealing with uncertainty, a lack of support, an unresponsive environment they will not be able to focus on developing the attributes and behaviors that allow learning, prosocial behavior and positive family and social relationships. Let’s stop the recycled not knowing. As parents do the program they ask children questions and maybe ask the same questions to themselves for the first time. Parents feel better about their ability to influence their children and do it more. By creating the habit of frequent conversations on important topics both parent and child benefit to positively influence each other’s lives. Poor and uneducated does not assume a lack of intelligence and rich and educated should not assume better family or parent. Simple additions can significantly and positively affect the future of success and well-being. How parents present themselves and how they allow their children to portray themselves is critical for the establishment of behaviors that are pro-social and enable success and well-being in the child’s future.

 

 

Emotional Competence

  • Emotional competence is a significant contributor and precursor to all aspects of success and well-being.

  • Emotional Competence is a function of a set of affect orientated behaviors, thinking and regulatory skills that develop over time.

  • The skills of emotional competence are most influenced by social experience and learning through the individuals relationship history and the values and beliefs of the environment in which a person lives.

  • Therefore emotional experience is gained through cognitive development and exposure to emotional discourse. Through this we learn how to feel and how to act upon that feeling.

 

 Several factors that discern emotional maturity

  • Awareness of one’s emotions. This attribute has greater levels of skill in recognizing multiple emotions simultaneously and the possibility that one may not be able at all times to recognize their emotion

  • Awareness of other people’s emotions

  • Being able to express one’s emotions

  • Empathy

  • The realization that inner emotions need not always be expressed outwardly.

  • Understanding the impact of one’s emotional expression on others and associated consequence

  • Coping strategies

  • Understanding mature relationships as well as asymmetry in sharing genuine emotions with young children

  • Emotional self-efficacy. Feeling the way one perceives they should feel according to their beliefs and values.

 

Age related emotional competence

  • Young children’s ability to express emotion is limited and require more support from their parents

  • Elementary school children are more able to express their emotions. They have some experience to refer to.

  • Youth become even more skilled at expressing their emotions and understand more complex emotions. There is a greater sense of identity, development of moral character and future goals.

 

Parenting style

  • There are different styles of parenting authoritarian, permissive and authoritative. Authoritarian is proven to allow the best outcomes. Within this style skills need to be enhanced to maximize the positive effect of being a family and a parent or caregiver.

  • Parents are the major influencer in a child’s life. Other factors such as financial status genes, culture and gender are of much less importance.

  • How a child thinks, feels and behaves will determine the degree of success and well-being they experience in their future. 

  • There is a direct correlation between the child’s behavior parenting style and  skill, school competence, violence, sexual behavior, drug and alcohol abuse, depression and anxiety.The optimal parent is:

  • Frequent Communication

  • Consistent

  • High degree of emotional support

  • Involved and responsive but don’t do what their children can do alone and allow for children to fail in order to learn for themselves.

  • Sets high expectations and respects child’s autonomy

  • Establish and enforce standards of behavior

  • Allows child to make mistakes and understands a child unhappiness is a part of self-regulation and allows motivation to improve

  • Rewards effort not the reaching of every goal, does not praise everything

  • Teach a growth mindset based in efforts success not fixed limitations

  • Praise and compliment sparingly allowing independent development of intrinsic values of challenge, courage, self-sufficiency and confidence

  • Support children autonomy and limit interference allowing better academic and emotional outcomes and development of positive intrinsic reward and value

  • Recognize their own emotions and stresses and their possible effect on children

  • Do not live through their children.

  • Live their own lives set a reach goals

  • Use reason, negotiation, and persuasion not force to gain cooperation

  • Enforce behavioral standards and stay in control

  • Democratic rather than dictatorial rule

  • Listen as much as talk

  • Children are given alternatives and choices with responsibility and consequences for those choices

  • Encourage academic success


Children of Authoritative parents are:
 

  • Better psychologically, socially and academically

  • Have a growth mindset, believing that effort succeeds there are no fixed boundaries or limitations

  • Develop successful peer relationships, Less influenced by negative peer pressure

  • Better at coping

  • Social responsible

  • Independent

  • Believe in themselves with High self-esteem, Positive self-concept, self-worth, self-respect

  • Conform to society, prosocial

  • Interested in their family

  • Respect authority

  • Accountable

  • Control their impulses emotionally and mentally

  • Confident

  • Responsible

  • Less likely to abuse drug or alcohol

  • Less likely to experience anxiety and depression

  • Less likely to behavior with violence

  • More successful


How parents raise their children may be more important than the parents' occupation, income, or educational level.

  • Content knowledge can ensue only when the child feels supported.

  • Teach parents to recognize their own anxiety and emotions

  • Kid’s do what their parents do or don’t do. Kids live up to their parents' expectations.

  • Teach parents about their own values to be better able to portray those values to their children.

  • Give parents and families the knowledge and skills to be optimal functioning families in order to develop socially, mentally, emotionally, intellectually and morally.

  • Offer sensitive caregiving (responding to a child’s signals promptly and appropriately) provides a secure base for children especially in the first three years of life and can predict better academic grades and healthier relationships into their thirties

  • The quality and content of time spent with kids is more important than the amount of time spent with kids.

  • Where kids think success comes from also predicts their attainment. Reward effort not the reaching of a goal.

  • Kids do what their parents do or don’t do not what they say. Parents need to seek knowledge, read, communicate, expect and set standards and then live them. Rich or poor the needs of a child are the same. 

 

Parents can portray images and behaviors of

  • Butts and boobs or beauty and brains

  • Muscle and mischief or manliness and courage

  • Greed and self-centeredness or prosperity and empathy

  • Ego and pleasure or will and love

  • Complacency and cowardice or challenge and growth

  • Fast and frivolous or steady and lasting

  • Focus on Style and appearance or substance and heart