Want to be better, so what. Wanting won’t make it so.
What does it mean when we say we want to be better, or improve and how do we expect that betterment to occur? We all want to be better at what we do and who we are. We all want to improve something. Let’s think about the thought of wanting to be better and discuss what that means. Let’s discuss why most people understand the need to improve but never do. Most people understand the five requirements for change and improvement listed below. So why do so few people put time aside to deliberately and intentionally work on improving? Let’s see. No matter what we want to make better,
THERE ARE FIVE REQUIREMENTS FOR CHANGE / IMPROVEMENT
The five requirements for change are:
1. Recognize the need to improve
2. Want to change or improve, want to feel
3. Believe you can change
4. Have a method to practice and create change
5. Have support to assist in change
1) RECOGNIZE the need for improvement means:
You want to discover your strengths and your weaknesses. Everyone needs to improve and if you don’t think so please go away don’t waste your time and effort. For the rest of us that recognize that there is always room for improvements let’s continue.
We all have strengths, things we are good at, things we have done that make us feel good. The question is can we be even better and can we see the need to look at the things we are not so good at. Take a few moments and acknowledge the things you are good at, even if you are in a stressful time of your life, there are still things you are good at and have done well. Go ahead take a few moments to write them down….. Ok, you thought about it and acknowledged what you are good at and what you have done well. That was easy to do. Now look into yourself and acknowledge the things you are not good at, the things that need improvement. Each of us has areas that need improvement, things in our heads and hearts that need improvement or resolve. Even if we are successful some areas can be improved. Go ahead write them down, no one is looking. I have a saying, we need to practice the things that we are not good at, to be more skilled at the things we are good at. What do you think about this statement?
DO ANY OF THE FOLLOWING TOPICS TALK TO YOU?
Recognize the need to improve something but lack the knowledge or method for doing so
Improve relationship skills
Need to improve emotional maturity/understanding emotions (anger, fear, and guilt) as the tools that they are instead of acting with over reactiveness
Indecision, overcome procrastination / Move forward / Get unstuck
Set goals / peruse your dreams
Get in shape / Lose weight / write a book / start a business
Improve self-discipline / self-control
Improving coping skills / reduce stress / reduce anxiety / reduce depression
Verify self-value / improve self-esteem
Change a lifestyle, attitude, or career
Learn a new skill / gain more knowledge/need to practice something
Intrinsic need to improve, desire to improve as a person
Simplify/get organized/have a more balanced life
Not sure what’s missing
Feel that something in your personality needs work. Over pleasing /perfectionism / shyness / aggression….
Change the attitude of your Inner Critic
Afraid to try something new, need some help
Recognize unresolved issues but don’t know where to start
Take a few moments and bring to mind the things that you would like to improve. Pause and write these things down. Once we can acknowledge our strengths and weaknesses we need to ask ourselves if we can recognize the need to change and improve. Full recognition is the ability to
express our strengths and weaknesses, admit all that we are good at, and more importantly, what needs work and improvement. There are many reasons why improvement can be difficult.
AVOIDING IMPROVEMENT, EXCUSES FOR NOT IMPROVING
Many people only manage their life. They go along to get along, not ready to confront themselves. People are smart they manage their issues and insecurities by creating and blending into an environment that conceals their baggage, bad habits, and unbalanced emotions, surrounding them with people who support them and make them feel safe and comfortable. They engage in activities that reflect their strengths helping them mask or lessen the effects of their weaknesses. This mode of managing reinforces who they are, even though they don't want to be who they are. This method of self- managing interferes with the achievement of goals and discourages change and improvement.
Difficulty expressing yourself
Fear of rejection
Not knowing where to begin
Don’t have the time
It’s not my fault therefore there is nothing I can do about it
No clear goals or failure to understand and set short and long term goals properly
A lack of support
Don’t believe change is possible
Don’t know how to move forward. Don’t have a method for establishing and practicing new skills
Embarrassed, insecure, low self-esteem
Avoid aspects of your life that need improving and eventually and inevitably you will slow down or block your progress or worse. Once we acknowledge the first step recognition of strengths and weakness, we can look at the second requirement for change and improvement, wanting to change
2) WANT to change.
Means you want to work hard at bettering yourself. Working hard means setting short and long-term goals, accountability, and significant practice (article on practice) over a minimum of four to six months. Wanting to change means you can relinquish ego barriers to learning, you can be
wrong and acknowledge your shortcomings with humility. This is often the most difficult requirement. Admitting you are wrong, have failed at certain things, or don’t know how to do certain things can be difficult especially at first. Society can make it negative to admit you’re wrong. It may be
considered a weakness to acknowledge insecurities and perceived inadequacies. Well, that’s just not right. It takes a great deal of strength to be wrong and admit what needs improvement. Most people hide in plain sight with others hiding in plain sight, no one admitting that deep down they
want to express themselves and improve and ask for help. In this way, we hide in the crowd and it seems like we are not hiding at all. No matter how we hide from our weaknesses they will surface physically, mentally, and emotionally. It’s best to acknowledge and resolve issues of our mind and
heart before they are negatively manifest.
3) BELIEVE you can change.
Belief in yourself or self-efficacy is extremely important. There may be some self-doubt for numerous reasons, but this too can be improved. Belief can waver at times in our life. What we need to remember is that if we seek help despite personal doubt we will move forward.
4) Have a METHOD
To accomplish any goal we need to have a method or process that allows us to move forward in a logical and properly sequenced order. Many times we fail to improve as a person because we are not taught and don’t know how to proceed. One of the main reasons for developing the program
Conversations We All Should Have was to develop a simple concise method for families and individuals to improve at the family and personal level.
5) Have SUPPORT
Support is crucial for children and youth to develop the supportive underlying skills of patience, optimism, self-esteem, emotional control, and self-regulation. Having frequent conversations on important topics offers tremendous support for your children while developing these underlying
supportive skills-building resiliency (A positive emotional memory) that allows success and happiness to occur. There are obvious benefits to improving yourself. As a parent improving yourself correlates directly to improving the life of your child. Why not improve yourself. You know you want to.
Why not improve:
Self-control, Eating habits/ weight control
Manage stress better
Stress, anxiety, depression, guilt
Most people go through their life and never resolve their mental and emotional issues. I can understand this because there are no real programs or courses that offer simple discussion with practice methodology for improvement. Would you like to take a course in yourself that will
increase your ability to relate to and improve your child’s success and happiness potential? Regardless of how good you feel we all have issues in our heads and hearts that through simple discussion and practice we can improve. Why wait like most people that never deal with the issues in their minds and heart. Why wait and then regret not doing and saying the things you want or need to do for yourself and your children. If you can recognize the need to improve you are well on your way to being able to change and improve something important in your life. And the life of your children. Do it, you deserve to feel as good as you can and so do your children. Give me a call, go to the website and let’s have a conversation about improving something in your life and the life of your child. What are you waiting for? Don’t wait, do it now. Life is short. It would be a pleasure to serve you and your family.
“Have the difficult and important conversations when you need to and
before you have to”.
Thank you. Have a Thoughtful Day
With Faith and Gratitude
Lou Scotti ouremotionallife.com